Ok friends, we’ve really gone off the rails this time. When I got the chance to sneak out with my Mom to a thrift store last weekend, you best believe I took her up on the offer. And thanks to that stop, I got a copy of Gourmet’s Menus for Contemporary Living, which is where our recipe today comes from. You’re familiar with Gourmet Magazine? Prepare to be dazzled by this recipe: Ham, Eggs, and Asparagus in Aspic. This recipe is exactly why restaurants no longer serve Jell-O.
Ham Mixture:
2 cups diced cooked ham
1 ½ tablespoons minced shallot
2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley leaves
1 tablespoon tarragon vinegar (or rice vinegar, whatever)
1 tablespoon dry white wine (no surprise I had this in stock)
1 small garlic clove, minced
Aspic Mixture:
4 cups chicken broth
1 cup water
4 egg whites, beaten lightly
Crushed eggshells of 4 eggs (????)
1 stalk of celery, chopped fine
1 leek chopped fine (I used green onion)
2 tomatoes, chopped
½ carrot, chopped fine
Tie together in cheesecloth, or if you don’t have cheesecloth, say “F it” and throw it straight in the pot:
6 parsley stems
½ teaspoon dried thyme
½ teaspoon dried tarragon
½ bay leaf
2 cloves
Other:
2 envelopes of unflavored gelatin
3 tablespoons Sercial Madiera (I used boxed White Zinfandel)
5 hard-boiled eggs halved lengthwise, plus 1 egg quartered
10 cooked asparagus spears
Dill sprigs for garnish
Mustard Mayonnaise
First of all, I never thought I’d spend all day working on a recipe that I never intended to eat, but here we are. *gestures vaguely* I started the morning by mixing all the ham mixture ingredients because they have to be refrigerated for at least one hour. Meanwhile, I had to ask my husband how to boil eggs. Yes. I’m a lady of a certain age who does not enjoy boiled eggs and therefore, never learned how to cook them. So sue me.
After a leisurely lunch break and a drink to steel my resolve, I returned to make the aspic. This consisted of combining all the aspic ingredients including the eggshells in a stockpot and simmering for 30 minutes while a “crust” forms. Ew. And then you strain it all and mix it with the gelatin mixture to make meat-and-herb-flavored goo.
Then it was assembly time. Heaven help me. First, a layer of aspic. Then, the ham mixture. Refrigerate until set. Then the eggs, asparagus, parsley garnish, and more aspic because why not? In the fridge again to set. Oh, and that extra aspic you have left? Go on and let it set in the fridge too. We’re gonna chop it up and use it for decoration on top of this monstrosity. Once it’s all set, you’re supposed to be able to slide it out onto a platter, which obviously didn’t happen.
This recipe was a new low for the family. My daughter and husband wouldn’t even consider trying it. I tried a small cube of ham and a little gelatin and tried not to dry heave. I wasn’t successful. The dogs adored it and took their boiled eggs out the doggy door to dine al fresco.
Final verdict: The worst recipe yet. Smelled so bad that I put it in a container I didn’t mind throwing away and covered it with Press ‘N Seal to mask the smell before promptly depositing it in the garbage.
Next week, we will be trying a less terrifying (read: more edible) recipe to give ourselves a break from this one.
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