Let me start off by saying my grandma was the queen of pies. She was best known for her chocolate, coconut, sweet potato, and German chocolate pies. So, when I found this recipe for Mock Apple Pie in the 1980 California Granger’s Delight cookbook, I was, let’s say, “delighted”. Also, my husband forbade me from making any Jell-O salads this week so Lydia’s Mystery Salad and Mabel’s Mystery Salad will sadly have to wait.
If you want to learn about the history of the Mock Apple Pie and why on earth someone wouldn’t just use apples in an apple pie, I’d recommend reading this. But hey, I’m not your mom. If you don’t want to know, that’s on you. I will, however, save you from having to guess the secret ingredient in this pie like I made my husband do and tell you it’s CRACKERS – not fruit, not tofu, not a veggie. The ingredients are pretty simple:
2 cups water
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
1 tablespoon vinegar
1 Tablespoon butter or margarine
1 teaspoon allspice (I used pumpkin pie spice, like the rebel I am…)
14-16 saltine crackers
2 pie crusts
This recipe starts by putting the water, sugar, cream of tartar, vinegar, butter, and spices in a saucepan and cooking them gently for 5 minutes. Or, if you’re like me, boil the crap out of them for a couple of minutes before you notice and then scramble to turn the heat down for the last couple of minutes. Let the syrup cool, and make a backup snack of spicy crackers in case this experiment goes sideways.
While the syrup is cooling, put one of your pie crusts in a pie pan. Good for you if you made the crust yourself. I have a husband, a kid, 3 dogs, and 3 fish to take care of, and recipes like this are questionable at best, so refrigerated crust it is! Next, you add the crackers. Smash them babies up and pour them into the syrup you just made. Mmmmm, soggy, fall-scented crackers.
Pour everything into the unbaked pie crust and top it with the second crust. Cut vents in the crust so the steam escapes. I was feeling ambitious, so I did a lattice on mine, which was a terrible choice because it turns out pie crust comes apart when it gets warm and soggy. Who knew? But it was my first lattice ever, so I was impressed with myself the rest of the day. Bake at 425 for 25-ish minutes, until the crust is golden.
This smelled so good while it was baking that it even drew my little one out of her room to ask what was cooking. Once the pie cooled, I cut everyone a piece and topped it with the best ice cream there is. While there were no big pieces of “apple” in any of the bites of pie, the taste and texture were just like apple pie. Mind. Blown. My husband still maintains this should be made with proper apples, but what does he know?
Final Rating: Good. Like ACTUALLY good. Way better than a mystery salad. I’m keeping this recipe in case there are any apple supply chain shortages in our future.
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