Happy post-holiday-the-decorations-are-down-the-house-is-empty-month! After a very disappointing holiday season where everyone got COVID and all the plans were canceled, we finally got to see everyone around New Year’s. My mom and I were able to sneak away for a quick New Year’s Eve thrifting trip, and it proved very fruitful. For a whole 25 cents, I was able to purchase the Oak Farms Recipes leaflet and I have learned many ways one shouldn’t use dairy…Examples:
Jellied Chicken Ring: gelatin, chicken, and sour cream
Molded Persimmon Salad: gelatin, grapefruit, persimmons, and sour cream
Coffee Fiesta: a dessert that includes cream, tapioca, and raisins for some reason??
Naughty Noodles: cottage cheese, olives, and noodles
So. Very. Many. Nopes. I selected a recipe for “Cheese Ring” that looked innocuous and hoped for the best.
Ingredients:
1 Tablespoon unflavored gelatin
¼ cup cold water
1 (3 oz.) package of cream cheese – or half of that package you have open in the fridge
1 ½ cups sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
1 ½ cups whipping cream, beaten stiff
½ teaspoon celery salt
½ teaspoon paprika
Stir your gelatin into cold water to let it soften. Or gel alarmingly into the shape of the bowl. Then stir it over boiling water until it liquefies.
Force cream cheese through a sieve, or heck, just use your electric mixer to mix in 3 tablespoons of cream. Stir the liquefied gelatin into the cream cheese mixture and fold in your cheddar cheese with the celery salt and paprika.
Fold all of that nonsense into the whipped cream and put in your ring…ahem…star mold. I could’ve used the bunny mold I guess?
Chill until firm. Unmold and fill with fruit, chicken, crab, or lobster salad. I can only think of that scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding where she "fixes" the bundt cake. Serve with:
(Not So) Supreme Sauce:
1/3 cup sour cream
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1/3 cup ketchup
1 tablespoon cider or salad vinegar
This is basically fry sauce that you use to drizzle over your cheese star? They weren’t wrong that this thing needed more flavor, I’m just not sure this was the best way to accomplish it. Blend all of the ingredients thoroughly together. Store your sauce in the fridge “until needed”. Mkay.
I got very bold and decided to bring this over to a friend’s house who had invited us over to watch a football game. I added some Supreme Sauce and some parsley for garnish to make it look almost appetizing.
While I can confirm I haven’t been disinvited from their house yet, they were none too pleased about my creation. It’s just a mousse made of cheese with very little seasoning. It’s smooth and creamy but tastes like nothing. My friend’s husband tried it and immediately grabbed a napkin to wipe it out of his mouth. That’s the only reaction you need, to be honest. I tried to slide this thing into their trash can discreetly and somehow it crumbled off of the platter? Baffling.
Verdict: Tastes like a seltzer company made cheese - mostly of nothing with a vague hint of cheddar. I like my cheese to taste like cheese.
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