Shout out to my friend Derek this week, who randomly selected a cookbook from a picture of my bookshelf this week to help me decide what to make. Your services are greatly appreciated, and you are welcome for dinner anytime. That is, if you want to roll the dice on whether we’re having something fabulous or atrocious for dinner when you join us.
Anyway, Derek selected the “Let’s Have a Party” cookbook by Frances S. James published in 1978. There were lots of interesting and actually palatable-looking recipes in the book, including Dorito Salad, Fresh Orange Pie, and the mysteriously-named Bride’s Favorite. And then I stumbled upon the recipe for Beet Salad. It’s been a while since we’ve done a gelatin salad, and this one is particularly horrifying. The fact that it includes beets AND has a savory sauce to accompany it really sealed the deal for me. I gleefully went to the store to gather all the ingredients, as I purposefully hid what I was making from my husband.
Gelatin:
1 3-ounce package each of Strawberry, Cherry, and Raspberry gelatin
4 cups boiling water
1 16-ounce can of shoestring beets and liquid (gags)
1 20-ounce can of crushed pineapple and liquid
½ cup sweet pickle juice
Sauce:
1 cup sour cream
1 Tablespoon finely chopped green onion
2 Tablespoons finely chopped green pepper
½ cup mayonnaise
Salt to taste
You start this recipe by mixing the gelatin with the boiling water. And this is the point in the recipe where anyone with any common sense would stop, but not our friend Frances. She then added beets, pineapple, and pickle juice to the gelatin mixture. My daughter’s face when she saw me add beets to the gelatin was priceless. And it was at this point that my husband realized what we were making, based on all of the noise we were making in the kitchen.
She quickly left to go play legos instead, trying to avoid tasting the salad.
For the next step, you pour your gelatin mixture into a mold, refrigerate for a few hours, and hope for the best. I tried unmolding mine after about 3 hours, and it slid apart looking like something you’d see in a horror film. My husband (now fully invested in the Beet Salad) encouraged me to put it back in the mold and refrigerate it for longer. Dear Reader, this approach does NOT WORK.
While the salad was trying to set up for a second time, I made the sauce. I added sour cream and mayo to my finely chopped pepper and green onion. This was hands down the dogs’ favorite part of the recipe. If you added ranch dressing mix to it, it would just be a dip. But NO, we are supposed to put it on the “salad”.
After unmolding the salad for the second time and it absolutely cratering, I served us each some with the sauce on top. At first taste, the salad by itself isn’t so bad. In fact, I think it actually may have improved the flavor of the beets. The flavor of the pickle was very apparent and definitely made a bad situation worse. However, the sauce was the clincher. Never, NEVER, put mayo or sour cream on top of gelatin. After tasting this, my husband let out a string of expletives that I won’t share in polite company. I think he’ll probably be watching my grocery orders more closely for a little while.
Final Rating: A candy-colored atrocity. If you see one of these on a buffet table, immediately throw it in the trash. And de-friend anyone that brings this to your house.
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